She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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