Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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