Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
