what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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