last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
