I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
