not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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