Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
