fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry about my life...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
