Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
