I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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