it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
