We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
