Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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