Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
