Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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