our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
