so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
