just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
worst night to have a conscience
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
