I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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