my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
