U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
