I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
