You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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