we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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