my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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