You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
