Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
