Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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