i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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