just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i think i just lost a toe
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
