you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
