watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
