i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
