If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
