Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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