Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
