I didn't shave. On purpose
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
