I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize