I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize