someone threw a dead crab at me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
