Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
