The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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