went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
