he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
