if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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