You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
