community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
