He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
