I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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