i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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