so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
