Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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