I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
