She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need Xanax blowdarts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
