Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
