My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
