I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
