I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do herpes really smell.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
