tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
