I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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