Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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