i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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