guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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