also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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