He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
