It's Friday. Sex?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
