if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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