i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
