i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
