He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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