Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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