I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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