is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
