I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
