I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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